He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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