This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
