Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
