My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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