I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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