my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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