Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize