I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
