Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
