3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Do vagina's smell?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
