RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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