Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
