so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
