I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
