This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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