I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
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