Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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