My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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