I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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