I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
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