i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
