should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
