FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
