New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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