Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
