I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
