Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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