Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
