I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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