Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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