First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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