At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
