Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
