it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
