Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
