Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
