that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Randomize
