her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
