Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
