Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
