my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
