Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
