Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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