I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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