i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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