In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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