I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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