if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I touched a dick in church today
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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