I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
