I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
