I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
