I wish I only lived at night.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
this boner is exhausting
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
