I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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