I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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