i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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