they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
