she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
