Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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