so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
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Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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