I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
