i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
