call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
it was like eating out sand paper
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
