in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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