I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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