Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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