Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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