Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
