I'm gonna have a badass scar
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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