Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
