I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
