Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize