im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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