I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize