she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My first STD was from a foam party
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
