This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
