He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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